I've been reading a book called, "Anything: The prayer that Unlocked my God and my Soul", by Jennie Allen. It's fabulous. It's heart breaking and challenging. It's stretching me. Anyway, I wanted to share something I read this week:
"I'm over my cute, comfortable, easy life. I don't want to make decisions based on my adequacy and capacity. I don't want to miss what God has for us because I am afraid."
That last sentence really grabbed me. I'm not a bold person. I am not a leap before I look sort of person. I am naturally very cautious. As a kid, I was terrified of going to new places or meeting new people. Some of that I've outgrown as I've had more experiences in life. But I see the same hesitancy in my oldest daughter. She is painfully shy and fearful to do things on her own. I am really trying to help her as best I can. As I read that quote in the book, I thought of something that happened earlier this last week.
Our family was hanging out in my husband's office before church on Wednesday night. Hudson's teacher walked by asked him to go ahead and walk to class with her, so off he went. Next, I handed Ella her offering for her to take to her class and realized I forgot to give Hudson his offering for class. So I asked Ella to take him his money. She looked at me with such terror on her face. She was so afraid. It's seriously just down the hallway. A hallway she's walked hundreds of times. I reminded her that she knew where his class was, it wasn't far. And I knew she was capable, she was prepared, she would be able to accomplish this task with ease, if she'd just get past her fear and do it.
She finally left the office to walk just 3-4 doors down to Hudson's class. She had tears in her eyes, but she did it. I peaked out the door to check on her... she did almost run into an elderly man, but other than that she was fine.
It occurred to me that God must feel the way I did with Ella. I'm sure He is thinking, I've prepared you for this. Don't be afraid. You can do this. And on top of that God can be with us in a way that I can't be with Ella.
I am choosing to do what God asks of me. I am determined to not miss out on living in His will because of fear. I may still feel afraid, I may still have a little knot in my stomach, but jumping into what God has for me, can only be Good.
"At some point you just jump, doubting, all the way down." (quote from Anything by Jennie Allen)